• Read
  • Buy
  • Find
  • Fiction
  • Creative Nonfiction
  • Prose Poetry
  • About
  • Contact
  • Menu

Penny Zine

  • Read
  • Buy
  • Find
  • Fiction
  • Creative Nonfiction
  • Prose Poetry
  • About
  • Contact
finalpennychairswivelgirls.jpg
1-1c0pssUJfWemes6p0mkZGQ.jpeg

Hypothetical

June 03, 2016 in Fiction

written by Matt Tompkins | illustrated by Rachel Lesser

So Colin asks me, “If you could have lunch with any one person living or dead who would it be?”

“Wouldn’t you have to choose someone dead,” I say, “because I mean come on wouldn’t that be amazing to bring someone back from the dead wouldn’t that be wicked but wait though would they still be dead but dug up and woken up like would they be all gross and worm-eaten and rotting or would they be at like the prime of their life and healthy ’cause that makes a difference or wait what if you choose someone dead but you didn’t realize you have to die to have lunch with them and then it’s too late to change your mind because you already made your choice and it’s final and you’re dead now forever or wait how ‘bout this what if you choose someone historic like Winston Churchill or MLK or JFK or Gandhi but you don’t specify what age to bring them back and you find out you’re having lunch with them as a baby so really all you’re doing is spoon-feeding them pureed peas or like giving them a bottle and yeah sure it’s Gandhi or whatever but really it’s a baby so what’s the point right so maybe I should just have lunch with somebody living instead like a Victoria’s Secret model or Barack Obama but oh jeez how intimidating right I’d be too nervous to eat and probably embarrass myself what would we even talk about anyway so then maybe I’ll just choose you Colin that sounds pretty good I think yeah do you want to have lunch with me?”

And Colin shrugs and shakes his head ’cause I definitely missed the point but he’s like, “Okay sure yeah whatever Dewey let’s eat.”

__________

About the artists:

Rachel Lesser is an illustrator, painter & graphic designer in the Jersey/NYC area. She loves comics, pizza and getting free stuff. She graduated from UNIVERSITY OF THE ARTS and is currently continuing her studies at SVA in Illustration.

Matt Tompkins has an e-book, Studies in Hybrid Morphology, available from tNY Press. A chapbook, Souvenirs and Other Stories, is forthcoming from Conium Press. Matt lives in New York with his wife, daughter, and cat.

Tags: Humour, No. 1
Prev / Next
buypennygif
Buy >>

Featured
The Free Clinic
Borderland
Dear Nnamdi
Café
Sex with Indians
Chrysalis
body memory
The King of the Jungle
When the Rains Come
Queen of Wings
The Balloon Loan
Between the Wish and the Thing
Music Our Mothers Made
Mike Doesn't Seem to Want to Join the Other Dogs
Succulents
April, Quakes in Kathmandu
Stones.jpg
Bedlam
A Rare Spark
Sophie
Ting's Tale
An Accounting of Small and Large Catastrophes
Birds Want to Kill You
Preschool Remembered in Hashtags
Better
Hypothetical
Breaking the Hand That Feeds You
He Named Himself
In Lost Time
The Margin of Error